Before Tacobell.

Today, is our four month anniversary. & my first day at tacobell. I'm nervous. & I don't even know why? Its fucking fast food. I guess. Anything that's new to me scares me. I'm sitting at McDonald's right now. & I can see chase working. I will start walking to tacobell in about 15 minutes.. I hate being nervouss.

Ill post after tacobell & let you know whether being nervous was worth itt.

posted from Bloggeroid

I'm not afraid.

Tomorrow is mine and Chase Josiahs fourth month being together. We are engaged and very happy. After four months though, I worry that the engagement is too fast. People around us, I feel judge how fast we moved. I couldn't care less what they think of us, and I'm not afraid to let people know I'm in love.
I'm quitting drinking. Its a flaw of mine at 19 years old. Sad, huh? I go to my first AA meeting on Saturday. When I drink, I become mean and angry to Chase. But, to everyone else I'm as nice and fun, as always. I need to figure out why that is.. I feel as if its my mission. I'm not afraid to say, I have a drinking problem.

My parents don't seem to care what I do, my mother has two kids with a man she married. My half sisters, in which I haven't seen in over two years. My father, has a drinking problem himself, & is with a woman who couldnt careless if I had died.
I've been in and out of fosterhomes, placements and juvenile detention.

No one can find the love in they're hearts to love me, the way I needed, until Chase. He touches me so gently, kisses my forehead & cuddles me uncontrollably. He is MY SWEETHEART, the one I have needed from the beginning.

posted from Bloggeroid

Introduction;

Well, I'm new at this kind of thing, and I don't even know if anyone will ever read this. Although, I would like someone to know how I feel, It may cause a lot of problems.
I guess, I'll start by explaining who I am;
I'm Rachel Carlson, a Seventeen year old girl who wishes that a lot of things were different in her life. I just recently moved in with my Grandma, who is seventy-four, and a total crazy woman. :) Nawh, she is a sweetheart, we just argue a lot; I think it's because of the huge age difference. Hmm, Seventy-four, and Seventeen? :) Quite a difference, Ehh? I moved in with my Grandmother because I really had no other place that would allow me to live in their home for such a extended amount of time.
I guess you could say that I haven't had the best life; I've been in Fostercare, Treatment, Hospitals, and Jail. And I'm quite young still. I'm trying to get my life together, because I want to be more than just what my parents were/are. Don't get my wrong, my Father is pretty much my Hero, and my Mother is a very good woman. I just want to show them that I am worth more than what I have been told, I want to show them that it is  possible to change. That life is a rollercoaster, And, I will make it out. Both of my parents have their GED's. and I'm going back to school on March 14th, I hope. I'm a senior, and I will be graduating with my class this year, even if I have to work my ass off to do it. I want my high school diploma. Even though it will be hard work, I know that I can do it.
I sort of feel as if I am rambling, But I'll be alright.
My life has never been something that most people look at and say; " I wish I had that.. "
But one day people will look up to me and say, "I'm glad that you made it out, you were in the pit of darkness for a while..."
But, I'm doing the best I can to prove everyone wrong.
G'night, for now.
<3